Dear Miss Chambliss,

I would like to apologize for the amount of time it has taken me to get this letter to you. As you may recall I was in your sewing class in 1973. If that doesn’t ring a bell perhaps reminding you of my most regrettable choices while under your tutelage will.

It was a fall day like any other and your students were sewing their denim jumpers with the buttons on the shoulder straps. As you might recall my talented sister, Julia, sewed an entire trousseau while in your class, but I was having trouble with the jumper. I decided to stay in for recess to get some extra time logged in on my project because after all, I had a family reputation to uphold.

The trouble started when the other girls came inside from recess. I had established myself at the ‘New’ Singer sewing machine. (“Choose the right tools for the job”, my older and more talented sister would say.) One of my classmates, who shall remain nameless, did not like the fact that I had chosen the best spot, evidently it was her turn to use that station. Well, neither one of us were known for our way with words so as sometimes happens in middle school a bit of a scuffle broke out. You came in from hall duty just as the table was tipped over and a barrage of colored pencils took to the air. Moreover the unnamed girl and I were using some inappropriate language and throwing punches.

Like all great middle school teachers you were able to stop the fight in 30 seconds and sent us to the principal. He was not happy, and proceeded to give us a LONG suspension- 7 days, and an even longer lecture about school appropriate vocabulary! I’ll never forgot the essence of his message; until someone invents rap music in like another 10 years, adjectives like the ones you two hoodlums shouted shall not be used in polite society.

I don’t remember much about the 7 day suspension but I did finish that jumper. When I handed it in you were still a bit mad. The only part of the project you commented on was the amazing job I had done on the buttons. That praise amounted to the participation award of sewing class.

I’m sending you this note after all this time for two reasons. First, I would like to say I am truly sorry for disturbing your teaching time. Furthermore, my choice of language that day was abhorable. If it is any consolation I just retired from teaching, where I spent 30 years in a middle school classroom, I think I got my just desserts. Secondly, I would like to say THANK YOU. Today I used my super power, button sewing, to fix my boyfriends pants and thanks to you he thinks I am a domestic goddess!

Yours truly,

Mary Catherine Halasz

aka, Potty Mouth 🙂